What's the matter with me???

That's the question all right... 'What's the matter with me?' I'm afraid I can ask that question on so very many different levels.

There's that "What were you thinking?" level. Or maybe, "How could you do that?" And then there's the literal, "What's the matter with me?"

First off, I don't know what I've been thinking or how I could do that. Particularly, my falling back into my "old" ways the last month or so. I'm like an alcoholic that has 'fallen off the wagon' and totally out of control.

I'm not eating the right foods.
And I'm eating a lot of the wrong foods, like a lot of sugar.
I'm not taking the supplements I should be taking to help my body.

I'm not doing my energy healing work or meditation, both which relieve stress. And just because I don't venture far from home most of the time, and work at home, doesn't mean there isn't stress!

There's stress from trying to do too many things at once, from trying to get a business off the ground and making consistent earnings. There's stress of trying to change my lifestyle and eat those right foods, and exercise, and all the many things I know I should be doing and can't seem to consistently put into practice.

I totally empathize with Paul when he wrote in Romans,

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Yep, that's me all right. What was I thinking? Why did I do that? What's the matter with me anyway!!!!?????

And then there was yesterday.
Now we're talking about the literal, "What's the matter with me?"

I felt fine yesterday morning. Jess and I were sitting at the dining room table looking at seed catalogs, trying to figure out what we want to order to plant in a garden this year. I had dug out what leftover seeds we have to make sure we didn't duplicate stuff. Everything was hunky-dory.

Then the room started to get dark. I felt hot needles in my chest and head. I sat there and thought, "Am I imagining this????" I mean, it was surreal. One minute I was fine, the next I felt like I was going to pass out.

Now if you've never fainted, you might not recognize the feeling. But I've done it plenty of times, and it usually happens because my body is reacting to some medicine it didn't like. I think Dr. Bill called it an "atonic-parasympathetic reaction." It just means the body's automatic response to what it thinks is an emergency, causing a state of shock. Blood pressure drops, you feel faint, etc.

Only this time I hadn't got a shot of novacaine or marcaine or anything else my body objects to that usually causes that response. I hadn't eaten anything strange I'd never eaten before. So ??????

When I convinced my brain that this was indeed really happening, I said to Jess, "Something is very wrong." He helped me to the couch, and I sat there until I started to feel better.

But then it happened again a little while later. The room was going dark, I was woozy, and Jess said I was very pale.

He wanted to know if he should call an ambulance. At first I said "yes"... which if you know me you can realize I was really bad off and scared to even consider that! But I backtracked before he got to the phone and decided to try and call my doctor. Wouldn't you know they were all out on their lunch hour.

Jess decided to take me down without waiting to call first, saying if he "had to make a scene to get me in, he would". And if she felt I needed to go to the hospital, we'd be that much closer.

Thankfully, they worked me in quickly. I hadn't sit there more than 5 minutes until the nurse called me back. By that time I had the shakes. Teeth chattering, chilled.

To make a long story a little shorter, I had an EKG and she said it didn't "look significantly different than the last one." She listened to my lungs and they were okay. She was convinced from all the shaking and stuff that I was/am getting the flu.

The upshot is she sent me home with a prescription for Tamiflu, and if I get a fever, I'm supposed to start taking it. But even though I had another episode of the shakes in the middle of the night, I still do not have a fever. I do, however, still have pain in my chest, but it's going to rain here, and that causes my fibromyalgia and costochondritis, an inflammation of the cartilage between the ribs and joining them to the sternum, to act up.

None of this makes any sense. Or at least that passing out part sure didn't. I have no idea what's the matter with me.

Maybe time will tell.

Psychotic Reactions

All kidding aside, I've been dealing with psychotic reactions the last couple of days. Waking up with anxiety attacks and pretty much having nightmares while still awake. Scary stuff. Feeling I couldn't go back to sleep because I had to stay awake and tell myself to keep breathing or I'd die. Unknown presences looming over me. Did I mention it was scary stuff?

And the cause of all this?

Well, the doctor thinks it was the antibiotic I was taking. Yes, an antibiotic. It seems one of the less common side effects is "confusion, psychotic reactions."

Wonderful. I'm on an antibiotic to get rid of an infection, and I get psychotic episodes instead.

And oh, by the way, that was the second antibiotic in a row I was taking, because the first one didn't do anything at all to help. I suppose I should be grateful it didn't create any bad side effects either. I mean, psychotic reactions from an antibiotic!?!

So it's now week three, and a third antibiotic. I'm almost afraid to start taking this one. I'm not ready to deal with any more strange side effects. But it seems I have little choice since the infection lingers....

Well, I'm off to take another pill. Hopefully withOUT side effects.

It's pretty bad when you're scared to take an antibiotic. . .

Why I Don't Like IV's

A picture is worth a thousand words. . .

'Nuff said.

Hey, Doc! You're Just Kidding, Right?

Yesterday Jess drove us over to Georgia so I could go to my appointment at the Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue Clinic there. We left early, the trip went without incident, and that put us there over an hour ahead of my appointment. That worked out fine, as it gave us time for a light lunch before going over to the clinic.

First up was talking to the doctor. She had a bunch of lab results back from the 12 vials of blood they drew last time. OH. MY. WORD. That was a real shocker and an eye opener for me. I knew my thyroid was messed up, I had low levels of vitamin D, and a couple of other things, but these blood tests were showing viral and bacterial infections. Not just one, nope, how about half a dozen???

It seems a compromised immune system can allow all kinds of things to pop back up that have been latent in your system. Like way back in college, I had mono. That's caused by the Epstein-Barr Virus. So who knew it could reactivate and cause chronic illness, like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? (Okay, maybe YOU knew it, but I sure didn't. But it says so even on the CDC website.)

And no, I am NOT contagious with any of these - I made it a point to ask the doctor about that.

In a simplified explanation of ONE of these tests, you're supposed to have a lab value of no higher than 10. Gee, mine was 5,120. I guess you could say that test was positive. (That was a little sarcasm in case you missed it.)

Besides the 3 virus's lurking in my body, there are 3 types of bacteria. One was for a type of pneumonia, which from what the doc was telling me about it, could explain the asthma-like symptoms I get sometimes.

And then, let us not forget LYME DISEASE.

Oh yeah. It's true. When the doctor asked to test for it last time, I almost refused because it's a really expensive lab test and I figured it was a waste of time. Guessed wrong on that one.

So there we are looking over all these lab results, positive for 3 bacterial infections and 3 viral infections, and the doctor looks at me and says, 'No wonder you're feeling bad!"

She'd written by every one of them "causes fatigue" and by one "causes flu-like symptoms". Her summation of upcoming treatment is to "get rid of these infections as quickly as possible while maintaining a balance of not doing it so quickly you feel terrible all the time."

If that doesn't make sense to you, it's because of a Herxheimer reaction. See, the problem is that when killing off infections, sometimes the toxins from their dying off are released faster than the kidneys and liver can remove them. This can cause fever, chills, headache, and muscle pain - a Herxheimer reaction.

I knew about this from my shepherding experience. The vets give special meds along with antibiotics to help counteract the shock. In acutely ill animals, it doesn't always work and the animal dies.

Hmmmm, well, if yesterday's treatments and today's feeling is any indication, we're not doing so well on that one. I had medications by IV (only took 3 tries this time to get one started, yeah, only) and two shots.

And today I feel like I've got a bad case of the flu.

So can I have a little cheese with this whine? Because this is rather depressing. We're spending a bunch of money trying to get me well, and right now I feel worse, and can't help but worry that I'm just wasting all this money.

And one thing I'm coming to realize, this is NOT a short-term project. It's going to take longer than I'd hoped, and again, in the mean time I have to wonder if it's actually doing any good, or I'm wasting a lot of money.

I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

De Pain, De Pain!

Anybody remember the old tv show, "Fantasy Island", with Ricardo Montalban? (Gotta love that guy; what an actor! He did such a good Khan.) If you remember the show, remember the little guy running around the island at the beginning of the show hollering, ‘De plane! De plane!” as all the guests get shuttled in for their fantasy filled island retreat. He’s running around in my head these days shouting “De pain, de pain!” but this ain’t no fantasy I’m living, and it ain’t no retreat.

Nope. This is real life. And anyone who has lived very long has met up with pain of some sort somewhere along the way. If not, they are either very lucky or living a very shallow life.

I should be doing all kinds of things right now. I need to get some snail mail done. I need to do laundry. I need to think about what all needs to be taken care of before we go on a trip next week and get that done too. I have all kinds of online work I could be doing.

But right now my body isn’t cooperating too well, and my brain isn’t focusing. Instead, there are thoughts and emotions swirling around in there like debris in a hurricane. Getting blown around, sometimes violently, sometimes a little calm in the eye of the storm, then right back to wildly whipping in the wind. It’s bad weather inside there folks.

I’m tired. Pain is fatiguing for one thing. But I suspect even if I were healthy, it would still be a battle right now to try to do everything I’m doing. I’m in transition. I’m trying to hang on. I’m looking and looking, trying to see that light at the end of the tunnel.

I know I’ve got more things to do than I can possibly get done. Too bad. They need done anyway. "Pare down your responsibilities," you say? Sounds like good advice, now just tell me what in Hades I can stop doing?

The farm chores? I’m hanging in there until such time as Jess can retire. Oh, he could retire now, but neither one of us are too eager to live on social security. Which brings up the internet work. The more I learn, the more there is to do. At some point I can outsource some of the work, but for now, it’s just me having to do it all.

Quitting just is not an option. This is the only way I can see of earning a living.

Now there are all kinds of ways to make money on the internet. And there are also many ways to lose your shirt to scammers or just not knowing or understanding what you are doing. Some ways of earning money fit my personality better than others and it’s taken time to figure out what those are. All of this takes time, both to learn how to do things and for a business to grow and make money. I am fitting more and more pieces together and feel the scales should tip in the next few months, maybe even weeks.

But again, it takes time. Time, it’s always a factor!

Maybe as much or even more than time itself is being able to USE the time. Being able to focus, to work without fatigue or pain clouding your brain.

But in the meantime, I am working as hard as I can. You can’t see the effects, unless you count the fact the animals haven’t keeled over and died from starvation, or we aren’t running around naked because I do eventually get around to washing clothes, or. . well, just don’t look at the house. There really is a limit to how much I can manage.

Time, time and money. One can always use more of both.

I’m spending money to go to the Fibro Clinic again. I need to be able to work longer hours. I need to banish the fatigue more often so I can get more work done and be able to exercise. I need to have my thyroid hormones regulated and other body functions put back to rights as much as possible. Until this happens, the fatigue prevents me from getting anyways near as much done as I would like or need to do. And it messes with my metabolism, making it nigh impossible to lose weight.

It’s all depressing too. I really don’t eat that much junk. Ice cream on Friday nights. I buy a big bar of dark chocolate as my main treat, and it usually lasts for two weeks. But the weight just keeps hanging on and I need to do something about that too. So it’s off to the Fibro/Fatigue Clinic, and hope they can help me get my body working as near optimum as possible.

Regular doctors can't take the time and/or don't have the specific knowledge to deal with the whole spectrum of problems that can be mixed in with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, not to mention an obscure problem like thoracic neuralgia. Insurance won't compensate them for the time they'd have to take with one patient to deal with it all and really understand and listen. Would government run health care be better? Not bloody likely. I have a friend in the UK who has fibromyalgia and can't get the health care she needs, and waits months to get in to see specialists.

No, I'm thinking it wouldn't matter. For such specialized health care, you're going to pay out of your pocket no matter what kind of health system is in place. But I need to function better, to be able to do more. So there we are.

Time and money. Never enough of both, ha!

I just have too many things in flux right now. I’m working on my health, I’m working on a new career, I’m working on just hanging on until I can get to the next level in so many different areas in my life. I’m looking forward to a housekeeper, and paying someone else to do the drudge work like directory submissions and other stuff needed to keep websites running and building traffic.

For now the guys are both working at their own full time jobs. (I think I’m working at 2 or 3.) But they are away from home, and I am here.

I hope I survive.

10 Needlesticks Later...

It's been a very long day. Yesterday evening we went down to Georgia (sounds like the title of a song). I had an appointment at the Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Clinic this morning. I need to get a grip on this problem. I have several issues right now that aren't going to get better without some help and I especially need more energy. I've got things I need to be doing!

Anyway, I woke up early, in plenty of time to get to the clinic. We started off in enough time... but a sign lead us astray and we were a little late getting there. Most medical offices that wouldn't matter. With this one it does. They keep to their time slots and the doctor only sees you during your allotted time, period. If you're late, too bad. You just lost some of your time with the doctor.

The bad part is that you pay for time you didn't actually get to use talking with the doctor, However, since it's been a year or so since I was last there, it didn't matter so much as far as formulating my treatment plan. That may sound counter intuitive, but what I'm doing is close to starting over. I know the basics, so that helps, but they needed new lab work to know what to do next.

I knew that, so I didn't take my thyroid medicine or eat breakfast, so they could get the fasting labwork. Lots and lots of blood for lots and lots of tests. Something like 20 tubes of blood.

Getting the blood out of me and into the tubes was a problem. That's the 10 needlesticks later part. I look like an ad for a drug user, but no drugs people. Just lots of bruises from veins that kept 'blowing out'. My left arm is the worst with 6 punctures and bruises. They'd get a couple of tubes worth of blood and then the flow would stop. Stick another place and try again. Then try two or three places for an IV... sigh...

I told them if they didn't quit sticking me, when I took a drink I'd leak all over like a cartoon.

At any rate, the blood was finally drawn and all the vials they needed filled up, I got my IV meds, and tonight I'm one very tired Tish.

And Jess did all the driving!

Derma. . . Done!

Today was the long awaited appointment with the dermatologist to check a couple of spots on my skin. I really didn't want to go, but figured I've been waiting a long time for the appointment, so I'd better haul myself down there.

I didn't know exactly where I was going, but I had a general idea and found the place without any problem. Parking wasn't even too bad, considering I was driving our big truck.

Since I was a new patient, they had the usual pages and pages of paperwork for me to fill out. I didn't get much more than half way done until the nurse was calling my name and taking me back to an examination room.

I barely finished the paperwork before the doctor was in there, and before I could say "dermatologist"... he was done.

What a waste of time.

Oh, okay, so I know a dermatologist thinks the problems are benign. So did I, and I'm a lot cheaper and easier to get to, ha!

And here's what else I know - that dude is raking in the money if he skips through patients all day long as quickly as he did in my case. If he was in there 5 minutes, I'd be surprised.

It's the first time I can recall I've been in and out to see a doctor BEFORE it was actually time for my appointment.

Wow.

Summarizing January

Do you realize this month is almost gone already? The time just whizzes by faster and faster it seems. On the down side, as usual I haven’t got near as much done as I’d hoped to do. On the positive side, it means we’re that much closer to February 14th, when Richard, Chrystie & Ellie will be here for a visit, before going back to Shriner’s Hospital, then on home again.

Jess in the last month has gotten steadily better. He’s really doing phenomenally well for it only being a little over 7 weeks since major surgery on both knees. He’s walking well, he’s done with physical therapy, and he only has one more appointment with the ortho-surgeon.

He went back to the office full-time on Monday. He’s had a little work, but it will take a while for people to know he’s back in the office. Also, even when they do, the work generally comes in spurts. He’ll go for days without work, then 2 or 3 people will want work at once.

Nothing new on Jonathan’s front. He helps out around the house and farm, but so far not much luck on a new job. When the economy is slow, and you don’t have a college degree or experience you can use, it makes it kind of tough. All prayers appreciated.

Me, well, I finally made it to the doctor yesterday to see what the problem was with all the blood work they did right before Jesse went in the hospital. As I expected, the thyroid levels were a mess. However, the liver enzymes (ALT & bilirubin) were up also, so the doctor wanted to do a second round of liver profile and TSH (thyroid) tests, and needed to draw more blood. I gave at the office.

Otherwise, I’m back to work online, trying to get everything moved to one hosting service to save money, and pulling my hair out in the process. It's taking a lot of time. I'm learning to hate databases. I’ll be glad to have it all done and able to move forward again.

The guys are supposed to finish getting my shelves up in the office this weekend. I need to finish getting the office stuff moved out of the spare room so Ellie will have a place to sleep!

So there we have it, that’s the way things are in our part of the world!

Approaching Normal

Well, as normal as it ever gets around here anyway.

Yesterday Jess went to see his ortho-surgeon for a 6-week check-up. Yes, it’s already been 6 weeks since he had surgery!

The surgeon commented that Jess is doing really great for so soon after surgery. He checked how well Jess’s knees are bending, and how well he can straighten them out. Jess also had a progress report for the doctor that they’d given him at the rehab center.

The bottom line is the doctor left it up to Jess when to quit physical therapy, and told him if he felt like driving to go right ahead and drive. He goes back for another check-up in 2 months, and if he’s still doing so well, that’s probably the last one.

Today I needed to go to the post office, so Jess said he’d come along “just to get out of the house.” Funny thing, but when I started to get in the driver’s side of the car and then thought to ask him if he wanted to try driving, he “just happened” to have his keys. You know, just “in case there was an opportunity.”

He drove us to Fayetteville and back, with no more craziness than he exhibited before surgery, so I guess he’s good to go and can start driving himself around. That’s super!

He’s got physical therapy tomorrow and again Friday, then he’s going to call it quits. He plans on going into his office Thursday just to check in on things, and maybe try to actually go back to work on Monday.

Life is getting closer and closer to normal.

Why Hospitals Aren't Restful Places

While Jess was in the hospital, I was reminded just how little rest a person gets while they’re in there. There’s people running in and out all day, and off and on during the night, too. One day I decided I’d just write down every time someone came in the room. I included phone calls because although technically no one came to the room in person, it’s still an interruption to getting any rest. So here’s the list:

4:00am Lab tech draws blood
5:00am Tech in to take vital signs
5:30am Tech - Bath Time
7:00am Tech in to take vital signs
7:05am Food service brings breakfast
8:00am Nurse
8:10am Cleaning lady
8:15am Respiratory Therapy
8:20am Nurse in with pain pills
8:25am Visitor #1
8:30am Doctor (Ortho Surgeon)
8:40am Doctor (Internist)
8:45am Food service picks up tray
9:00am To Physical Therapy
9:30am Back From Therapy
9:45am Tech in to Change Sheets
10:00am Phone Call #1 - from friend
10:15am Nurse in with morning meds
10:30am Nurse in to change dressing
10:50am Visitor #2
11:00am Food service brings lunch
11:15am Lab tech draws blood
11:50am Food service brings menu
12:00pm Tech in to take vital signs
12:30pm Visitor #3
12:35pm Phone call #2 – insurance
12:45pm Phone call #3 - from friend
12:50pm Food service picks up tray
1:10pm Visitor #4
2:00pm Visitor #5
2:30pm Representative from Health South
3:00pm To Physical Therapy
3:30pm Back from Therapy
4:00pm Nurse in with meds
4:16pm Nurses in to start blood
4:20pm Visitor #6
4:30pm Visitors #7 and #8
4:35pm Physical Therapist
4:40pm Tech in to take vital signs
4:45pm Food service brings supper
5:11pm Nurse brings meds
5:15pm Phone call #4 – from friend
5:25pm Visitor # 9
5:45pm Phone call #5 – from friend
6:02pm Phone call #6 – from friend
6:05pm Volunteer delivers flowers
6:10pm Nurse
6:14pm Phone call #7 – from friend
6:30pm Tech in to take vital signs
6:33pm Nurse in with more blood
6:35pm Food service in to pick up tray
7:00pm Nurse
7:15pm Nurse brings meds
7:25pm Nurse
10:00pm Nurse
10:15pm Nurse
10:30pm Nurse

The thing is, I’m sure I missed writing down a few times people were in, like checking on the blood running in or other stuff. But even at that, look at these totals for one day:

Times In/Person
2 Doctors
2 Lab Tech
7 Tech for Patient Care
7 Food Service
7 Miscellaneous People
7 Phone Calls
9 Visitors
15 Nurses

Like I said, I’m sure the nurses were in there more times than I wrote down, and probably the techs, too. But add it up, and that’s 56 times there was someone who came in the room in person or by phone. If you average out the busiest times between 7am and 7pm, it's about one person every 15 minutes!!! And there was another day when he had even more than 9 visitors, so you can imagine!

No wonder you can’t get any rest in a hospital!

Today’s News on a Knee-d To Know Basis

All you need to know is the day was all about knees.

The day started bright and early since we needed to go to Patrick Rehab for Jess to have outpatient therapy on his knees. Since it was his first time there, he needed to fill out a lot of paperwork for their records.

We didn’t need to wait long before a therapist came out and got Jess. She was a very nice young lady, and seemed to know her stuff. She gave Jess’s knees quite a work-out! We were there about two hours between paperwork and therapy.

She also gave Jess some new exercises he needs to do to get his knees working better. He’s bending them really well, but has more trouble getting his knees totally straight which is really important.

We got a couple of hours at home before we needed to turn around and go the opposite direction to The Orthopedic Center. Jess got his knees x-rayed, then went back to the waiting room to wait on the doctor.

The doctor came in and looked at the x-rays of Jess’s knees first thing. Wow! Those new knees sure show up bright and shiny in the x-rays! You could also see a row of staples in front of each knee, seemingly hanging out there in mid-air.

After checking out how well Jess can move his knees, the doctor declared Jess is doing better than anyone he’s seen and ought to be running circles around everyone by the next appointment. He did mention the same thing everyone else has, however, that being Jess needs to work most on getting his knees to straighten out totally.

Last up for the day was getting the staples out. It took the nurse a while to pick them all out, clean the scar line, then put a row of steri-strips on each knee.

They're supposed to stay on 5-7 days, then once they're off, he can start massaging the scars on his knees with some kind of vitamin E cream.

On the way home we needed to stop at the pharmacy to pick up some new pain medicine and sleeping pills for Jess. They were super busy. I guess maybe everyone is getting their prescriptions refilled before Christmas.

It was a busy day, with too much we needed to do. It was almost dark by the time we got home. Jonathan was finishing up the outside chores as we drove up, which was a nice plus so I didn’t have to worry about it. Jess was pretty well tuckered out and took a much needed nap.

And that’s all the news on knees for the day.

Home Sweet Home

Yesterday we were ready to leave by 6am. The doctor came in by 7am. But it took until about 10:30am before the nurse and Case Manager got the paperwork done and we could actually think about leaving. I finally took matters into my own hands, literally, and wheeled Jess out myself while the nurse was taking another patient down. MY patience was gone!

By the time we stopped at the pharmacy to get the injections and pain pills Jess needed, it was almost noon by the time we got home.

Jonathan helped Jess get up the steps and into the house. We've got most of Jess's pathways figured out, but need to do more with his recliner. It's too low and he can't get up out of on his own.

Today I went to the store and got some stuff Jess needs like rails to put in the tubs, a mat for our shower, cold wrap for his leg that swells due to inflammation, and various other stuff. Being in Walmart the Saturday before Christmas is a BAD idea.

Not that I've been thinking much about Christmas. Who has the time, energy and other necessary stuff? No decorations this year. No exchanging gifts. No big meal. I feel like Scrooge this year, but there it is.

At any rate, we're glad to be home. It's a lot of work, but it's better than the hospital by any stretch of the imagination!

One Last Message from Huntsville Hospital Lobby

I hope this is the last message I write and post from the dining area close to the gift shop of Huntsville Hospital. I've been walking across the street to get here, sitting on a bench near a wall outlet, plugging in my laptop and hooking into their free wi-fi. It's not a comfortable place by a long shot, but at least I've been able to pop in and check my email now and then, and make some posts here to tell how things are going.

The electric has been out twice today, and we were switched fairly quickly to generator power. However, not everything works when using the generators, including being able to move the beds up and down, or the head of the bed. Also, the tvs do not work.

Jess checked on the expensive injectible meds he's going to need. The pharmacist gave him an estimate that is WAY better than the $500 a shot they talked about here. That was a major hurdle overcome. The rest is just getting the house workable for him to get around, taking him to get the staples out Monday, and to outpatient therapy.

We're so ready to go home. I've already started packing stuff up and carrying things to the car. When they cut Jess loose tomorrow, we'll be out of here so fast their head will spin!

Merry Christmas to us... we get to go HOME!

Last Day At Rehab Hospital

The Brothers Anderson (Doctor and PA-C) came in this morning and Jess asked them when they were going to discharge him. They said, "Monday."

The resulting explosion changed their minds.

As he told them, nothing much happens over the weekend, so why keep him? Their answer:

1. The insurance would pay for it.
2. He's got to have injections of Lovenox for 14 days, so he'd have to do some at home.
3. He needs the staples out Monday.
4. He'd miss a day and a half of therapy.

His reply:

1. He wants to go HOME.
2. He or his wife can give those easy little shots.
3. He'd ride down Monday to the doctor to get the staples out.
4. And he said he'd do outpatient therapy.

The reality is there is really only ONE of the therapy sessions that he needs these days. The group physical therapy and Occupational Therapy is easy for him. The one-on-one therapy is tougher, but he can do a lot of that at home, and he can go to outpatient therapy.

So they agreed to cut him loose, admitting "you can go home anytime you want to." Well, he wants to! We'd love to have gone home today, but can stand for ONE more day, but the idea of waiting until Monday morning to go home -- NO WAY!

Yeah, I know home is going to be tough, but we should be able to get more rest, and we should certainly be able to get better food that we know we like, and have more peace and quiet.

WE CAN'T WAIT TO GET HOME!!!

No New Knee News

Jess had easy therapy early this morning, then time off while the staff had a meeting. Later in the afternoon he had a group physical therapy session, then the one-on-one. That’s when things get intense, and Jess dreads those sessions. He can walk pretty well, but when they want him to do the exercises to flex that leg back I guess it gets pretty ouchy.

And I don’t know if it’s the food or his appetite, but Jess still isn’t eating a lot. It’s to the point nothing sounds good to either one of us. For Jess, I think the fact the food leaves a lot to be desired is compounded by the fact he’s laying around in bed so much. Over at the “regular” hospital there was a recliner he could get in, but here it’s the bed or a wheelchair.

We were hopeful we’d hear today what his discharge date is since they had their big staff meeting, but no such luck. I suppose since we didn’t it’s not likely we’ll get to go home tomorrow, but we’re definitely ready to escape purgatory.

There is no rest, no peace in this place. Noise! People! Just a constant grating on the nerves. It’s even getting to Jess, and he’s much more sociable than I am. It’s like an anthill that’s been stirred with a stick around here. Just constantly boiling over with activity.

There is nowhere to go to escape. With medical personnel, cleaning staff, food service workers, maintenance workers and who knows what else – somebody is doing something no matter where you go. You can’t even hide in a restroom without someone wanting to come in and clean it!

So where I want to go is home. I told Jess if they don’t let him go home by Friday I may have a psychotic episode and it won’t be pretty. You can’t get any rest here. No home cooking. He can do the same sort of exercises they do in occupational therapy and group therapy at home. The one thing he gets here he can’t get at home is the one-on-one therapy session, but he can get that on an out-patient basis within 10 miles of home.

Home. It’s time to go home.

Family Education At Rehab

Today was Family Education Day at the Rehab Center. Of course, there was just one family member being educated today, and that person was me.

First Jess and I met in the room with the Occupational Therapist, and he showed us all different ways and gadgets for Jess to use to help with bathing and dressing. Then we went down to the physical therapy room and he had Jess do a bunch of exercises for upper body strength.

He also gave him a big strip of stretchy latex to use for more upper body exercises, and showed him how to do them all.

After that, it was back to the room for a session with the nurse about all the different medications Jess is on. Some of them are meds he’s been on a long time. The only thing really different is the pain pills (Lorcet), sleeping pill (Resteril), and the shot of Lovenox sub-q in his stomach to control blood clots. Since I already know how to give sub-q shots that didn’t amount to much. (But you should have seen the face Jess was making when the nurse said HE could learn to do the shots!)

Then back down to meet with the Physical Therapist. She also had a list of exercises for Jess to do at home and checked him out again on how well he could do them. A couple of them really test his ‘intestinal fortitude’ when it’s time for some major knee bending.

Our last session was with a Case Manager. She mostly double checked we had the equipment needed, and where Jess wanted to go for his physical therapy on an outpatient basis after he is discharged from Health South Rehab.

Jess also had his first “Stair Master” session today, practicing going up and down steps.


And he’s getting more adept at getting himself around in a wheelchair too.


Of course, here he's just resting in-between bouts of stomping up and down the stairs.

By the time we got through all the “education sessions”, we had quite a stack of paperwork. Between the rehab papers and the paperwork from the Joint Camp with before and after surgery do’s and don’ts, it’s a pretty fat folder of papers!

The staff has a meeting tomorrow with all the doctors, nurses, therapists, and case managers involved, and along with double checking what the insurance allows, after that we should know exactly when his discharge date will be.

We’re hoping no later than Friday. That will be a week here, and to stay 10 days would mean over the weekend. They only do a little therapy Saturday morning, and absolutely none on Sunday, so it would be pretty much a waste of time to keep him over the weekend then send him home on Monday, just to say he’s been here 10 days instead of 7 or 8 days (depending on how they’re counting).

And we are soooooo ready to go home.

But we look around at some of the other people here with strokes, amputations, spinal cord injuries, etc., and we think a lot about kids like Ellie who are doing therapy on a long term basis, and realize as hard as this is for Jess, we’re still pretty blessed. There’s a whole lot of people that have it a whole lot worse. Barring major disaster, his knees should pretty steadily improve from here on out.

And that's pretty good news.

New Knee Saga - Day 1 of Week 2

Jess had therapy this morning. He thought it was going to be terrible, but turns out it was fairly easy, concentrating more on upper body strength. Piece of cake.

Then he had a couple more hours of therapy this afternoon. NOT a piece of cake. The last hour was one-on-one with a physical therapist, and she put him through the wringer. Bend your knee and move your knee as far back as you can 10 times, then she “assisted” him to move it back even further 10 more times.

As Jess put it, “Here’s where things get serious.” Playtime is over, the real work – and pain – begins.

While he’s concentrating on that, I’m still helping with the more mundane tasks. He needs help making it into the bathroom, getting his bath, encouraged to eat and to drink plenty of fluids, and other stuff. Especially at night he needs someone to help him move in bed, go to the bathroom, and keep a fresh icepack under the inflamed leg. The nurses dole out the drugs, the physical therapist works on getting the knee functioning, and I do everything else.

I’ve also been known to upgrade his bandages. I fail to see the rationale of putting sterile pads over just part of the incision. Why leave part of it open to air? Seems to me it should be all or nothing, and for now, I vote for ALL of it.

The side of Jess's left leg - colorful, huh?

He hasn’t got much of an appetite, but the hospital food leaves something to be desired. Tough meat. Overcooked veggies. Strange seasonings. It’s not home cooking. For now I offer to go buy burgers or pizza or subs, and tempt him with snacks that while they aren’t exactly health food, at least get some calories in him.

In the meantime the assistant is getting tired. By the time I get him fixed up in the evening, for instance, with supper and bath or whatever, sometimes the food court is closed. And I, too, am sick of food from the cafeteria.

And while he takes naps off and on all day, I don’t have that luxury. I can’t nap in this chair.

We’re hoping he does well enough to go home by Friday. He’s ready for home. Some things will be more work at home, like cooking again, and helping with his therapy, but other things will be much better, like getting more rest (I hope).

I’m tired of being stuck in a hospital. Then I think of people here with serious diseases like cancer, not sure if they’re going to make it. I’m just helping out a dude with a repair job. I figure I’ve got it pretty easy compared to many others.

But I still want to go home.

The Latest Knee News

Tomorrow Jess has his first day of LOTS of therapy (about 3 hours). It's going to be tough, because he's having a lot of pain in his left calf. The ultrasound they did yesterday didn't show any problem, but his leg is swollen and hot. We've been putting ice packs on it.

The back of his legs are almost a solid mass of bruises. Did you notice the one on the side of his knee in the picture below? Well, it looks like that all over the back of his legs. I guess once they pulled the tube out of his knee, the rest of the blood leaking out just seeped into the tissue there. It looks pretty awful!

Since Jess didn't have any therapy today and is able to do more for himself, I took some time today to go home and do some laundry and take a shower and get some stuff from the grocery store. Jonathan is doing a great job looking after the house and farm animals, which makes all this a lot easier. Guess that's the silver lining in the cloud of no more Toys R Us job. I don't know how I would have mananged otherwise.

While I looked through the mail, I didn't have time to get online and do some stuff. I need to place a couple more orders for Christmas stuff, but I just didn't get it done and I won't do it from the hospital over unsecure wi-fi. I don't know how in the world I can be ready for Christmas. With all the trips we made, then Jess having surgery, I just haven't been able to keep up, let alone do the extra stuff needed to get ready for Christmas.

We'd already decided to cut way back this Christmas, and aren't buying big presents for each other. I did get Jess a couple of pecan trees, but those were for his birthday. Christmas is going to be Scrooge-like this year, and presents just aren't happening.

Well, I guess Jess got a new pair of knees for Christmas, how's that? And we went to visit family, so there we are, Merry Christmas!

From Hospital To Rehab

Jess is still recovering from knee surgery, but we’re in a different building now, and although it is connected by enclosed walkways to the main hospital, it’s actually a separate entity. Unfortunately, one of the differences is NO wi-fi in the rooms here. However, I’m going to try to write something up, then walk over to the main building and see if I can connect to the wi-fi there and send this. I really miss not being connected!

Yesterday was pretty depressing for a while. Patients are supposed to check into this Rehab Center between 10am and noon. They hurried as along at the hospital to be ready, and Jess didn’t even have his morning therapy before they got us gathered up and brought us over here, supposedly to room 209.

At first we were tickled because he got a private room, as they’d told us it would probably be 2 or 3 days before we got out of a semi-private and into a private room. However, when we arrived his room had been changed to 203. Fortunately, it was still a private room. Unfortunately, it was also still occupied. Discharges are supposed to leave by 9am, but it was late afternoon before we finally go in the room.

All that waiting took a real toll on Jess as he was sitting upright in a wheelchair for a long time, and wasn’t used to it. Eventually they put him in a bed in a semi-private room which helped matters considerably. I was extremely thankful we were not staying in that particular room however! I don’t think it would have been a congenial fit of roommates, to put it mildly.

Once Jess was finally in his room the procession began as several people needed to evaluate him. He saw a P.A.-C (Physician’s Assistant – Certified), a lady from Physical Therapy, a Case Manager, two doctors, and I can’t remember who all else there was.

Today he had Occupational Therapy, which for him, is simply making sure he can do tasks like dressing himself, doing personal hygiene, etc. He complained of pain in his calf, so when the doctor and PA-C came in, the Occupational Therapist mentioned the problem, and they immediately sent him for ultrasound of his legs to be sure there weren’t any blood clots.

Thankfully, the ultrasound didn’t show any problems. He was able to go to a session of physical therapy this morning. While he was at therapy, I took the opportunity to go to the cafeteria and get something to eat for the first time since he’s had surgery. Not that I haven’t eaten obviously, but I’ve just been snatching stuff here and there from vending machines, snacks I brought with me, and some stuff from Jess’s trays as he hasn’t been eating much.

He did eat better today, at least for breakfast and lunch. Not a lot, but more than he’s done since he’s been here. Unfortunately, by supper he’d overdone it sitting in a wheelchair and moving around, and was kind of under the weather.

Tomorrow there are no therapy sessions, but come Monday, they’ll work his butt off with at least three hours of therapy a day.

Wednesday they have a staff meeting with all the different people taking care of him, and will decide how long he needs to be in here. As far as using his knees, he’s doing pretty well with that. At first they thought they’d use a “bender” for him, which is a machine that straps to your leg and bends your knee, pushing you leg up and down. The physical therapist took it back after she evaluated him, saying he was doing too well to bother using it.

We’re rather hoping he’ll get to go home by Friday. I know we’ll both be fed up with hospital living by then. (Okay, we’re already fed up with hospital living!) Since he’s doing some better, I’m planning on going home for a while tomorrow for a nice shower, doing some laundry and a little grocery shopping. He needs me close by more at night, when he sometimes needs to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW, or have his feet moved, etc.

He’s making progress. Once we’re sure there’s not complications, it will be nice to get him home and let him do his exercises there.

Jess's Knee Pics

The nurse was in to change Jess's dressing. Right knee first...



And then, obviously, the left knee!

Altogether now.... OUCH!