What's the matter with me???

That's the question all right... 'What's the matter with me?' I'm afraid I can ask that question on so very many different levels.

There's that "What were you thinking?" level. Or maybe, "How could you do that?" And then there's the literal, "What's the matter with me?"

First off, I don't know what I've been thinking or how I could do that. Particularly, my falling back into my "old" ways the last month or so. I'm like an alcoholic that has 'fallen off the wagon' and totally out of control.

I'm not eating the right foods.
And I'm eating a lot of the wrong foods, like a lot of sugar.
I'm not taking the supplements I should be taking to help my body.

I'm not doing my energy healing work or meditation, both which relieve stress. And just because I don't venture far from home most of the time, and work at home, doesn't mean there isn't stress!

There's stress from trying to do too many things at once, from trying to get a business off the ground and making consistent earnings. There's stress of trying to change my lifestyle and eat those right foods, and exercise, and all the many things I know I should be doing and can't seem to consistently put into practice.

I totally empathize with Paul when he wrote in Romans,

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

Yep, that's me all right. What was I thinking? Why did I do that? What's the matter with me anyway!!!!?????

And then there was yesterday.
Now we're talking about the literal, "What's the matter with me?"

I felt fine yesterday morning. Jess and I were sitting at the dining room table looking at seed catalogs, trying to figure out what we want to order to plant in a garden this year. I had dug out what leftover seeds we have to make sure we didn't duplicate stuff. Everything was hunky-dory.

Then the room started to get dark. I felt hot needles in my chest and head. I sat there and thought, "Am I imagining this????" I mean, it was surreal. One minute I was fine, the next I felt like I was going to pass out.

Now if you've never fainted, you might not recognize the feeling. But I've done it plenty of times, and it usually happens because my body is reacting to some medicine it didn't like. I think Dr. Bill called it an "atonic-parasympathetic reaction." It just means the body's automatic response to what it thinks is an emergency, causing a state of shock. Blood pressure drops, you feel faint, etc.

Only this time I hadn't got a shot of novacaine or marcaine or anything else my body objects to that usually causes that response. I hadn't eaten anything strange I'd never eaten before. So ??????

When I convinced my brain that this was indeed really happening, I said to Jess, "Something is very wrong." He helped me to the couch, and I sat there until I started to feel better.

But then it happened again a little while later. The room was going dark, I was woozy, and Jess said I was very pale.

He wanted to know if he should call an ambulance. At first I said "yes"... which if you know me you can realize I was really bad off and scared to even consider that! But I backtracked before he got to the phone and decided to try and call my doctor. Wouldn't you know they were all out on their lunch hour.

Jess decided to take me down without waiting to call first, saying if he "had to make a scene to get me in, he would". And if she felt I needed to go to the hospital, we'd be that much closer.

Thankfully, they worked me in quickly. I hadn't sit there more than 5 minutes until the nurse called me back. By that time I had the shakes. Teeth chattering, chilled.

To make a long story a little shorter, I had an EKG and she said it didn't "look significantly different than the last one." She listened to my lungs and they were okay. She was convinced from all the shaking and stuff that I was/am getting the flu.

The upshot is she sent me home with a prescription for Tamiflu, and if I get a fever, I'm supposed to start taking it. But even though I had another episode of the shakes in the middle of the night, I still do not have a fever. I do, however, still have pain in my chest, but it's going to rain here, and that causes my fibromyalgia and costochondritis, an inflammation of the cartilage between the ribs and joining them to the sternum, to act up.

None of this makes any sense. Or at least that passing out part sure didn't. I have no idea what's the matter with me.

Maybe time will tell.

Merry Christmas!

Here in the Huntsville area we had the first white Christmas they've had in 21 years. In fact, 1989 is the only other time there has been measurable snowfall on Christmas until today!

Since I haven't lived here that long and wasn't here 21 years ago, it's the first white Christmas we've had since we moved here. It was kind of funny because I happened to wake up about 3am and look out, and there was nothing but a damp sidewalk. I figured it was going to be just another "scare" and no snow would be forthcoming. But when I got up this morning and looked out, WOW! I was sure wrong about that.

I must admit I'm glad we didn't have to travel anywhere.

This year we did more for Christmas than last year (which wouldn't take much since I did nothing). Jonathan carried up our little fake tree, and we actually bought some presents and put under it.


Now I'm not saying we got fancy and *wrapped* the presents, ha, ha! Boxes or freezer bags, and a red magic marker... and that's it.

We opened gifts last night, and there again, WOW! I don't know when I've been so pampered! Jess got me a new meditation cushion, a craft table, a new set of headphones to use with my laptop.

Then Jonathan got me some movies and a Night Fury figure (my favorite dragon from "How to train your Dragon" movie).

The guys weren't left out! For instance, Jess got a Garmin. Or maybe that's a present for me? You know, the whole "let's not get lost next time we go somewhere" idea! A pair of boots, folders for his state quarters collection. Jonathan got models to paint and shirts to wear.

I think we all were happy with the gifts under the tree, even if the wrapping wasn't fancy!

Christmas Eve Eve

If it's the evening before Christmas Eve, than that's Christmas Eve Eve, right?

This has been a grandkids kind of day. We were surpised to get a package in the mail from Lee today with a framed photo montage. Very nice! Good pictures of the grandkids, and Dave and Debra, and they even managed to sneak one in of me and Jess from when we were down there at Thanksgiving.

Then I checked with Richard and Chrystie today via email to see if they would have any time for a Skype call on Christmas... turns out the next couple of days will be busy (no surprise!), but today they were having a quiet sort of day, so we chatted this evening.

Ellie had BIG NEWS. She lost a tooth! See, Southern Grandma!

I didn't hit the button quick enough to get her showing me the gap where her tooth used to be!

And furthermore, she got a car from a friend for her Zhu Zhu pet. and she lost a tooth! And she's going to the movie theater for the first time to see Rapunzel. and she lost a tooth! And she has a stuffy nose. and she lost a tooth! and Santa is going to come and leave some presents. And the Good Fairy came and left a Toonie, cause guess what.... she lost a tooth!

Grandkids are such fun!

Playing Dominoes

I think I mentioned playing dominoes earlier. Maybe not here though, but on Facebook. I'm not talking about the game with the numbered tiles however, but more about the "domino effect."

You know, if you move one thing, then the next thing must be moved, then the next, and on and on, until the last piece falls.

Or perhaps I'm playing "Pilot." In that game, you pile it here, and you move a pile there, you just pile it, pile it everywhere.

Or maybe it's a combination. I just know it's killing me.

It started when Jess got a new recliner for his birthday/Christmas. That meant his old recliner had to be moved out of the way to make room for the new one. I got the bright idea to put it in my office figuring that when I get tired of sitting in the office chair, maybe I could sit in the recliner and work on my laptop, instead of moving to the living room to do it.

I'm hoping if I do that, I can consolidate my reference materials so they'd all be in the office, instead of some stacked on the couch and loveseat. And of course, whatever I need, it always seems to be in the opposite place of where I am.

But to put the old recliner in the office, I needed to move out the bird's exercise door. And to make room for it by her cage, we had to move the play gym out.

That was Part I. Today I'm working on Part II.

After putting the recliner in my office all the stuff is too cramped together. And I also am in the midst of setting up a filing system in a big office-sized 4-drawer filing cabinet. Everything is torn out so I can sort through it all, then file it, find a new home for it, or throw it away. I'm trying to get things organized to be ready to rock and roll with a tweaked business plan for 2011.

So to make more space in my office, I need to move out a writing desk that is setting beside my computer desk. I'm going to put it in the spare room.

However, to put it in the spare room, I needed to move a set of double bookshelves. To do that I needed to empty all the books off them. We're talking books on 10 feet work of shelving. A lot! Once I got all the stuff off, then Jonathan helped me move the shelves to the living room... Oh! but before I moved them, I had to empty stuff off a tea table and move it out of the way.

At present it has a little Christmas tree setting on it. Where it goes after Christmas... I'll figure out later.

But the bookshelves are in place, and all the books back on the shelves. Now all the stuff is moved off the top of the desk, and from underneath it, and when Jess gets home he can help me move it.

For now, I need to go out and do evening chores.

I hope to have this done by the end of the week if I don't collapse before then.

Wish me luck. This playing dominoes is hard work!

Short post

Short post, short hair.

Don't think I've mentioned to anyone I got a haircut right before Thanksgiving. Of course, the folks in Florida know it, because they saw me. but I went from waist-length hair to this:

Do I like it? No, I do not. I told the beautician to leave enough hair so that I could put it in a clip and wear it up. It is too short for that. Once she cut the first long length off, about 12 inches or so, she just keep snipping away like a mad woman! =:-O

Oh well, I suppose it will grow out soon enough!

More Sanford Baptism Pictures

I just put a bunch of pictures in an album on Facebook, but I know there are some diehards that do not have a Facebook account (Hi Jess! Hi Randy!) ... so here's a slideshow. Some of the first few pictures will be repeats from the video I did yesterday of the actual baptisms.

But then we had breakfast in the park, which was totally awesome. Debra and Becky had made a bunch of food, some ahead of time, and some like the bacon and eggs they cooked right at the park. It was positively scrumptious!

After breakfast, we walked along one of the trails to see more of the Rock Springs and Kelly Park. So here are pictures from our special day at the park. . .

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If you want to see this full screen, click here and you can check it out.

It was a great day!