There's that "What were you thinking?" level. Or maybe, "How could you do that?" And then there's the literal, "What's the matter with me?"
First off, I don't know what I've been thinking or how I could do that. Particularly, my falling back into my "old" ways the last month or so. I'm like an alcoholic that has 'fallen off the wagon' and totally out of control.
I'm not eating the right foods.
And I'm eating a lot of the wrong foods, like a lot of sugar.
I'm not taking the supplements I should be taking to help my body.
I'm not doing my energy healing work or meditation, both which relieve stress. And just because I don't venture far from home most of the time, and work at home, doesn't mean there isn't stress!
There's stress from trying to do too many things at once, from trying to get a business off the ground and making consistent earnings. There's stress of trying to change my lifestyle and eat those right foods, and exercise, and all the many things I know I should be doing and can't seem to consistently put into practice.
I totally empathize with Paul when he wrote in Romans,
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."
Yep, that's me all right. What was I thinking? Why did I do that? What's the matter with me anyway!!!!?????
And then there was yesterday.
Now we're talking about the literal, "What's the matter with me?"
I felt fine yesterday morning. Jess and I were sitting at the dining room table looking at seed catalogs, trying to figure out what we want to order to plant in a garden this year. I had dug out what leftover seeds we have to make sure we didn't duplicate stuff. Everything was hunky-dory.
Then the room started to get dark. I felt hot needles in my chest and head. I sat there and thought, "Am I imagining this????" I mean, it was surreal. One minute I was fine, the next I felt like I was going to pass out.
Now if you've never fainted, you might not recognize the feeling. But I've done it plenty of times, and it usually happens because my body is reacting to some medicine it didn't like. I think Dr. Bill called it an "atonic-parasympathetic reaction." It just means the body's automatic response to what it thinks is an emergency, causing a state of shock. Blood pressure drops, you feel faint, etc.
Only this time I hadn't got a shot of novacaine or marcaine or anything else my body objects to that usually causes that response. I hadn't eaten anything strange I'd never eaten before. So ??????
When I convinced my brain that this was indeed really happening, I said to Jess, "Something is very wrong." He helped me to the couch, and I sat there until I started to feel better.
But then it happened again a little while later. The room was going dark, I was woozy, and Jess said I was very pale.
He wanted to know if he should call an ambulance. At first I said "yes"... which if you know me you can realize I was really bad off and scared to even consider that! But I backtracked before he got to the phone and decided to try and call my doctor. Wouldn't you know they were all out on their lunch hour.
Jess decided to take me down without waiting to call first, saying if he "had to make a scene to get me in, he would". And if she felt I needed to go to the hospital, we'd be that much closer.
Thankfully, they worked me in quickly. I hadn't sit there more than 5 minutes until the nurse called me back. By that time I had the shakes. Teeth chattering, chilled.
To make a long story a little shorter, I had an EKG and she said it didn't "look significantly different than the last one." She listened to my lungs and they were okay. She was convinced from all the shaking and stuff that I was/am getting the flu.
The upshot is she sent me home with a prescription for Tamiflu, and if I get a fever, I'm supposed to start taking it. But even though I had another episode of the shakes in the middle of the night, I still do not have a fever. I do, however, still have pain in my chest, but it's going to rain here, and that causes my fibromyalgia and costochondritis, an inflammation of the cartilage between the ribs and joining them to the sternum, to act up.
None of this makes any sense. Or at least that passing out part sure didn't. I have no idea what's the matter with me.
Maybe time will tell.
0 comments:
Post a Comment