Vivid Colors!

May I present Ellie in VIVID COLOR!

Remember back when I was talking about some color in MY life? Well, here's the gorgeous hat and scarf set my friend, Sharron, crocheted for me for my birthday.

While the kids were visiting, I decided to let Ellie model the set. When I tried it on, Jonathan said I looked like a bag lady. I believe that Ellie, however, carries off those bright colors with a certain panache. I mean, just look at this face!

Cute kid with a "distinctive and stylish elegance" - even in such VIVID COLORS!

Okay, even if you don't believe it's elegant, you must agree the model is fabulous, and the hat and scarf set is fun and... well, BRIGHT!

Family Matters

There’s a saying, “Blood is thicker than water.” In today’s idiom, it’s another way of saying that family relationships are stronger than any others, even though to me, that phrase doesn’t make sense. What’s water got to do with it?

Well, there’s an older meaning, extending the phrase to say, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

This blood covenant was made by the two people involved dividing an animal in half and standing together in the blood with their right hands clasped, and swearing a mutual oath binding them to each other. Sometimes, they would each cut their hand before clasping them together, allowing their blood to mingle. In effect, the two participants in the covenant would become "blood brothers," with the resulting union of this blood oath to never be broken.

In other words, "My relationship with those I have joined in blood covenant is supposed to be more valuable than the relationship with a brother with whom I may have shared the water of the womb."

So on one hand you have the idea in our culture today that family ties are stronger than any other ties. But on the other hand, there’s the biblical idea of “a friend that sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

If you’re lucky, you have some friends that are that close (without requiring the blood covenant ritual!). A friend who is a kindred spirit is a precious thing indeed.

But so is family.

I got to thinking about all this after receiving an email chastising me for not including the locations of everyone in the family when I mention in this blog that our family is scattered “from Florida, to Tennessee, to West Virginia, to Canada.” That by doing so, I was essentially declaring I felt like the people whose locations I didn’t mention weren’t part of my family.

So let me clarify that. When I mention the locations I do, I’m only talking about parents and kids. My dad lives in West Virginia. We have kids in Florida, Tennessee and Canada.

We have a VERY far flung family, both nuclear and extended. And if I were to talk about ALL our family, including brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins and nieces and nephews, well, I’d have to add a whole lot more states like Virginia, Indiana, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Alabama, Georgia, Oklahoma, North Carolina and more!

So forgive me if I’ve offended you by not mentioning your address when I talk about our far flung family. It’s not that I don’t consider the above people important family members, but that’s an awful lot of states to write every time I mention visiting family, and wishing we were closer together.

Just let me stick with parents and kids please.

Some Color In My Life

My great friend, Sharron, made a flying visit yesterday. Well, so she drove up here, but she flew in and out of our place so quickly after she arrived, that my head was still spinning when she left.

When things slowed down a little after supper, I got to check out the bag full of goodies she left. The bag and gift wrappings were COLORFUL and so were the contents.

There was a package of lovely stationary to use in the printer and some great purple and turquoise envelopes. My penpals ought to LOVE such bright COLORED letters!

The hat and scarf were very COLORFUL, made with some interesting yarn. And take a gander at those purple gloves with "Princess" all over them!

Also included was a COLORFUL mug with handsome roosters on the sides. Not shown in the picture is the vase full of cheerful daffodils Sharron picked from her flower garden.

A nice call from my dad, a couple of emails from friends, and a COLORFUL assortment of gifts... my birthday wasn't all bad.

But I still don't want to have any more. I'll get another year older on my date of birth, but that's all that's required and all I plan to do.

Weekly Updates

It seems like I can’t get around to posting on this blog more than once a week lately, so here’s the updates for the past week:

Aftermath from my fall: I’m still waiting for my finger to heal up. Kind of a nuisance when trying to lift anything or write. Typing isn’t so bad, thankfully.

Blog & Internet Updates: Two steps forward, one back. Learning more, but didn’t get as much done this week as I’d hoped. I put in a lot of hours studying this week, as two sources of information I’m using will be closed after the first of July, so it’s my last chance to glean all I can.

Social: My good friend, RR, came to visit this past week and we exchanged goodies. I had gathered up a bunch of yarn for her, and a few other tidbits. She had made some new curtains for our bedroom out of some fabric I had, and hemmed up a pair for the bathroom. What a great friend!

Weather: Still no rain worth mentioning. It got dark a while ago and did a lot of thundering, spattered a few drops… and moved on.

Household: Jonathan and I had planned on doing some staining today, but we had to wait until Jess was done trying to repair a leak with the fridge. It’s wedged back into a little cubbyhole, and it takes two people to move it out. Even with both of them, they had an awful time getting it moved. There’s not much room to work in or a good way to grab it, so moving it is difficult. Ended up I had to totally empty the fridge and freezer (it’s a BIG side-by-side) before they could manage to move it.

The other problem was the wheels didn't seem to be working, and the vinyl flooring was bunching up underneath it.

Anyway, since I had to take everything out, it didn’t make any sense to put it all back without cleaning the inside and the shelves first, so that’s what I did. With all that activity, our staining project kind of went by the wayside.

The Surprise for this Week: Got a call from The Phantom Son (aka Randy), who is coming to visit next weekend!!

And that pretty much sums it up for this past week!!

A very LONG distance call...

This afternoon the phone rang. It was a 615 area code number, so I didn't think much about it, except to wonder who was going to try to sell me something. Was I ever wrong!

First off, even though it was a Tennessee area code, the call wasn't from Tennessee. In fact, it wasn't even from the United States, and no, it wasn't from Canada either. So where did the call originate?

Would you believe South Africa?

I have a couple of good friends there doing great work in missions, and for the past few months, also "new parents" to a teenager. This young lady came out of a bad situation with an abusive boyfriend, parents who didn't give a hoot about her, and feeling trapped as she had nowhere to go.

Mona Lisa - isn't she beautiful?

Sonia and Rene graciously opened their home and their hearts to her and she got a grant to help pay for school. It was a great opportunity for her.

Unfortunately, sometimes we don't always make the best of our good fortune, and such has been the case with Mona Lisa. She's been up and down with her behavior, and after giving her several chances, my friends have the sad task of asking her to move. She can't have it both ways, and do whatever she wants and have all the privileges and advantages the agreement afforded her while most decidedly not living up to her agreed part of the arrangement.

Sonia was calling to give me a "heads up" about what was happening before I saw it in the prayer newsletter she was getting ready to send out. I knew the minute I heard her voice Mona Lisa had broken her promises again and it was time for some tough love.

It's going to be a hard parting of ways. Pray for all three of them. Mona Lisa is losing out on a great opportunity. She's lovely, bright, and can be a charmer, but that's not going to keep her out of trouble with the company she's keeping these days. I hope she "wakes up" before she's totally ruined her life.

Sometimes smart people can be so dumb.

Passing on the torch...

Back in my younger years, I used to decorate cakes. It all started with a panda bear cake for Richard’s first birthday: I reckon just about every year after that I made special cakes for Richard’s birthday, and then when Jonathan came along, his birthdays also. When I wasn’t baking and decorating cakes myself, I helped others just learning how to do it. A homemade cake tastes so much better than the store bought version! Then I branched out and made cakes for anniversaries, and cakes for weddings, including those of an aunt and a very special friend, Angie.

Recently that special friend, somewhere between an adopted daughter and younger sister, sent me a letter. We hadn’t touched base in some time, and she was telling me she went back to work almost full-time, and “Guess what I do!! I decorate cakes!”

Well, how about that!

Then along came Ellie's birthday, and guess who made her a special Elmo birthday cake?
Why, Richard did! How cool is that?

So though I no longer make fancy cakes, it looks like the torch has passed on, and two others have taken up decorating cakes.

You just never know what you do that might spark an interest in someone else!

Party on, Shop till ya Drop, & Keep on Keepin’ On!

This past Saturday Jess and I cleaned up and put on some decent duds and went to a party in the middle of the afternoon. Amazing! I can’t remember when the last time was I went to a party but the four Tate Boys were throwing a shindig for their Dad, Homer, to celebrate his 80th birthday.

It was held at the church so they’d have plenty of room and had a good place to put on a little program and have some speeches. It was enjoyable hearing some of the childhood stories about our friend, but it didn’t take long until sitting in a pew really bothered me.

After the program, there was a reception in the fellowship hall and I had a chance to see a number of people I haven’t talked to in ages. It was mostly enjoyable, but why does everyone have to pat a person on the back? I need a t-shirt that says, “Please don’t touch my right side.” or “Left sided pats and hugs only!”

Sunday morning I went grocery shopping on my own. I don’t do that very often, because I get tired pushing that full buggy and picking items up, put them in the buggy, put them on the check-out counter, put the bags in the buggy, put the bags in the car… it’s nice when I have an able helper but he was most decidedly sick. At least he was up to helping me carry in the groceries when I got home.

Which brings us to Monday, when I took my sickie helper to the doctor. Yes, he had the flu, and that left him with a sinus infection, and here’s a prescription for an antibiotic and cough medicine. After a trip to the pharmacy and grocery store for some yogurt (probiotics!), we went home and collapsed. Jonathan is feeling better, and is supposed to go back to work tomorrow.

As for me, I’m trying to be well! Ignore the scratchy throat and sinus headache, keep on keeping on! Well, I at least get the “have to” chores done for feeding the critters, both the ones outside AND those inside.

Now another bout of rainstorms is moving in, so I wouldn’t know if I have the flu or not. The aches and pains are pretty similar from the weather induced fibromyalgia pain and aches and pains from the flu. That’s life!

All a body can do is keep on keepin’ on.

Happy Valentine's Day to the Diamonds!

My mom used to have a plate on the wall with this verse:

True friends are like diamonds
Precious and rare.
False friends are like autumn leaves
Found everywhere.

Ain’t it the truth!

I’m sure we’ve all had the experience of finding out people you thought were your friends…weren’t. Sometimes it’s that old knife in the back deal, or maybe times get tough and people you thought you could depend on disappear, and other times it’s more innocuous, just a drifting apart and away.

But then there’s the real McCoy. These gems are the friends you’ve discovered along the path of life, people you may not hear from for long stretches, but remain a thought away, ready to help in any way they can when you need it.

Those kind of friends are, to mimic a MasterCard commercial, priceless.

I’ve been fortunate to meet some pretty amazing people as we hop scotched around the country in my younger years. Here are some of the diamonds in my life, people that have been my friends for years (listed in alphabetical order – I sure don’t want to try to figure out who’s the best of the best!) --

* Ann
Friendship is a sheltering tree. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
We meet when Ann was expecting her youngest child and both our husbands were working for the same company. We discovered a mutual passion for farming, food coops, reading, and many other things. During a difficult divorce, she was my rock, frequently checking in on me by phone. She’s a class act, and one very special lady.

* Joan
Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.- Anais Nin
Joan and I met on an email list about goats. Yes, goats. We also both love to read, and have many other things in common. She has a fantastic sense of humor, a great philosophy on life, and we both know what it is to deal with chronic neuralgias of different sorts. We commiserate together; we laugh together! An email from Joan is always a special treat.

* Kieren
Life is to be fortified by many friendships. To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence. - -Sydney Smith
One of my newer friends, we met on the Rest Ministries penpal list. We both have fibromyalgia, so understand a lot about what the other deals with every day. Though she lives in England, the magic of email allows us to communicate whenever we feel like it.

* Linda
Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. ~Plautus
We lived in Iowa twice. Long story. In that time Linda became a great friend. She carries the joy of the Lord in her heart and it’s always good to hear from her. She has a way of lifting your spirits.

* Robin
There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound. ~Diana Cortes
It’s a long way to Maine, but that’s never mattered. Through years of talking about homesteads and sustainable agriculture, friends and family, helping her moderate a couple of email lists, and having her as an editor for some writing work, Robin has remained a steady friend. She’s one talented lady! Although we’ve never met face to face, our hearts know each other.

* RR
If a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it. ~Edgar Watson Howe
That’s just the kind of thing this special friend does. She surprises people with flowers and other produce from her garden. She bakes bread and shares it and other goodies from her kitchen. She lends help when it’s needed. She even makes aprons! When I moved to this area, I asked the Lord to give me a friend who was a kindred spirit. Did he ever answer that prayer! Friends and cohorts in mischief, it’s a dangerous thing when we get together. There’s no telling what might happen!

* Sonia
Oil and perfume make the heart glad, so a man's counsel is sweet to his friend. – Proverbs 27:9
Back in another life, we met when both our husbands were attending seminary in Pennsylvania. We were also pregnant at the same time, me for Jonathan, her for their oldest son, Ryan. She and her husband are in South Africa with Ambassadors International Ministries, doing work to combat the AIDS epidemic. Distance and changes in our lives haven’t altered the fact we’re good friends. Sonia is a fountain of good advice, encouragement, and helping me remember there are other people in this world who desperately need our help. She's one of the nicest people you could meet - outgoing, not shy!

I have other friends, of course, but this group has stood the test of time. So today I say to this great group of friends:

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

THANK YOU

for being a diamond of a friend!

Modeling my new apron...

I needed to make some pizza crusts for supper tonight, so I decided it was a good time to try out my new apron. Yes, my new apron! Remember back on New Year’s Day when I was talking about things I missed “from times past”? Full-length aprons were #2 on that list.

Apparently my most excellent friend RR read that and decided to put her also most excellent seamstress skills to work. She made me an apron for my birthday out of material with chickens all over. How cool is that!??!

I asked Jess to take a picture of me modeling my beautiful new apron, and here it is:

How about that! He didn’t even chop my head off this time! (Well, he’s been known to do that…)

While he was taking pictures, my crazy parrot wandered into the kitchen to see what was going on. Jess wanted a picture of me and my sidekick, and boy! He was on a roll tonight and got another decent picture!
A crazy old chick with an apron covered in poultry and her parrot pal… you know I can’t resist such an easy “opening” for a punny comment….

It’s a really FOWL picture!!!

Feel the love....

Between snail mail yesterday and in my email this morning, I have about a dozen birthday greetings, all from businesses. Places like adidis via email, and Peebles via snail mail. How very nice of all of these companies to remember my birthday!!! And in the spirit of generosity, they’re being oh-so-nice to me by offering me a chance to spend money on their products. Of course, most are offering me a discount to do that, so I guess it’s a real birthday gift!!! Wow!!!

Feel the love….

Now in all fairness, my good friend RR made a special trip up here Monday to deliver a sack full of brightly colored packages for my birthday. Jonathan gave me a DVD of a movie I've been wanting, and Jess also remembered my birthday. So there are real people who have sent or given me birthday greetings also.

But it just strikes me as kind of funny how many COMPANIES are remembering my birthday. Good ploy - Happy Birthday! Here's a discount, spend some money at our store!

Like I said... feel the love....

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE!

It’s an evening for family gatherings and special church services. I went with Jess to the Christmas Eve service at his church. It was a lovely service and I enjoyed it, but was forcibly reminded why I do NOT attend church on a regular basis any more.

Church people can be very friendly. Normally, that’s a good thing. But when you have thoracic neuralgia, and people persist on patting you on the back, it quickly becomes a BAD thing. These people mean well, they just don’t realize what pain they’re causing at that moment, and how it will precipitate pain for some time to come.

Then there’s the whole “stand up to sing” thing… sit down for a while, stand up again, sit, stand, sit… you get the idea. Difficult when your body doesn’t want to cooperate.

And last, but certainly not least, there’s the pews. Ah, yes, the pews. I thought maybe I had exaggerated in my mind how hard it is to sit in those pews. I figured it probably wasn’t as bad as I remembered. I was right about that. It wasn’t as bad as I remembered. It was worse.

I don’t know what it is about sitting in those pews. They do have some padding, but it doesn’t seem to make any difference. Before long the muscles in my right side start tightening up, from waist to neck, and there is no way to get comfortable. Having muscle spasms while sitting in church is NOT a good thing.

After only an hour in a church service, I’m down for the count. It started out great, but by the time it was over… well, it’s hard to concentrate on songs and sermons when the pain is clouding your mind.

I’m glad I was able to go, but it was a stark reminder I can’t do everything I would like to do, and the pain does impose some limitations. Still, I walked in and I was able to walk out. I came home to supper in the crock pot, and presents under the tree. I have family and friends that care about me, and a roof over my head. I have Christmas to remind me God sent his only son into the world, starting a chain of events that would end in a pathway for salvation.

All things considered, I’m very blessed.

Christmas Newsletters

Christmas is almost here. I’ve been enjoying all the cards in the mailbox, and yes, the form newsletters! I’ve heard many people disparage newsletters, and will admit I once thought the same. I’d never write one!

Well, times have changed. I realize people can’t sit and write a long, newsy letter to every one of their friends and relatives. Who has the time in our ever busier lives?

The next best thing is the “form” newsletter – one size fits all. Well, it works that way with newspapers, why not a newsletter? It’s a great way to pass along the family’s happenings for the past year, and touch base with friends and relatives you don’t speak to very often.

These days I treasure every word in every newsletter I get.

The Terrific Twosome Turned Loose

Fayetteville may never be the same. My friend, Sharron, and I went shopping there Tuesday. That in itself is a rare occurrence, as neither of us like to shop so it's not generally our idea of a fun outing. But Christmas is coming, so shop we must. I guess we figured misery loves company, and off we went.

We were mostly in search of clothes, so our first stop was Peebles. I headed for the men's department, while she took off to the ladies. I went down my list, trying to find the items I needed at a reasonable cost. I discovered my idea of reasonable and the retailers idea didn't mesh. However, much of what I needed was on sale, so I really can't complain. Well, not too much anyway.

In the meantime, Sharron was haunting the women's section, looking for a dress suitable to wear to her son's wedding. I think she was wildly successful. She found a beautiful dress that looked beautiful on her and had a beautiful price. Can't hardly beat that combination! Even better, it's not a "wedding only" dress, but could be worn for other special occasions. I told her she should buy it, cause what more could you ask?

Anyway, Peebles didn't have everything I needed, and I wanted to pick up some prints I'd ordered from Walmart, so we headed there. They didn't have a thing I needed on the clothing list. We couldn't think of anywhere else to go in Fayetteville that carried men's clothing, so Sharron got the bright idea we should look for someone well-dressed, and ask them if they knew of someplace.

While she was off looking for something in a different part of the store, I saw a young man in a really nice coat, so figured I'd give Sharron's idea a try.

"Excuse me..."
And again, closer now, "Excuse me..."
The young man glanced up, and I said, "Yeah, you."
I told him I really liked his coat, and wondered if he bought it in Fayetteville somewhere.
He grinned and said, "No, I got it in London."

London! Wow! So much for the idea of going shopping there! I don't think we could have made it to London and back that afternoon.

However, before we got out of the store, a well-dressed elderly lady was headed in, and Sharron stopped her and asked if she knew of any shops that carried men's clothing in Fayetteville. She was sorry, but no, she didn't.

We went on out to the car, figuring we were out of options and done for the day, when all of a sudden, there was someone pounding on Sharron's window. It was the little old lady we'd just talked to. Here she'd ran out in the parking lot to try and help out two perfect strangers. (That's us all right - we're perfect, and we're strange! But probably beyond help...) Anyway, she'd remembered a store in Fayetteville that carried men's clothing, so we thanked her profusely, and decided we'd go check it out.

We found the store, looked in the windows and rolled our eyes, but went in anyway. We didn't check out too many price tags until we'd decided shopping there might be a luxury experience I couldn't afford. Just as well they didn't seem to have anything on my list.

Since we were already in downtown Fayetteville, we checked out a few more places, but didn't find anything of interest. At least, not until we ended up in the fabric store. Sharron is an expert seamstress, so she was like a kid in the proverbial candy store, though she restrained herself and didn't buy much.

By the time we got back to the farm, I was pretty well done in, but it was a successful trip. We got a lot of stuff crossed off our lists, had an interesting time, and maybe even had a little fun!

And oh yes, I'm sure Fayetteville will eventually recover.

A Little Down & Out

I’ve been doing a little of this and that today – working on the calendar, doing some laundry, cleaning the kitchen, critter chores, answering some email – but I’m not moving very fast. I’m tired, tired, tired, and a little down and out.

The muscles in my back are misbehaving, hovering on the edge of spasm. Maybe it’s from being hunched over my desktop computer, peering into the screen, doing the fine detail work on pictures for the calendar. I wish I knew more about ergonomics. I’m sure I could improve upon my computer set-up and make it a more comfortable working area.

Maybe it’s ironing – that kind of back and forth motion always irritates the thoracic neuralgia. Maybe it’s… oh, who knows? It doesn’t really make much difference I guess.

I also got emails today from a couple of people I haven’t heard from in a long time. Nice people, but another sad reminder of how times have changed.

Let’s face it, when times are going well, you know a lot of people and think you have a lot of friends. It’s not until things change, and you have an illness, economic downturn, or some other problem, that you find out how many friends you really have. And it’s generally a whole lot less than you expected. Support you thought you could count on, well, all of a sudden it just isn’t there.

There’s a whole lot more fair-weather friends in the world than the real deal.

Thankfully, I’ve also got some great friends. Maybe it sounds corny, but I’m taking about the kind of friends who listen to you when you’re just having a bad day, to helping you through a divorce, kids in trouble, chronic illness, or whatever setback life deals out. They rejoice with you in good times, but also stick around when things go bad. They’re the ones who are still there when you need a true friend.

My thanks to those of you who are the real deal – you know who you are!

It's almost time to go!

Tomorrow morning, and we're up and out of here and headed for Nashville.

I’m all packed and the suitcases are setting by the door. I’ve completed everything I had on the “to do” list, plus quite a bit more.

For instance, we had someone come to pick up a goat today, so I had to take time out to round them up, catch the one she wanted, and get that all taken care of.

The eye doctor called, and I had to run up to his office today to pick up my contacts. I also made a stop at the store to “top off” the groceries.

I had a last minute request to put out a missionary newsletter, and got that done, and sent out to the mailing list.

I’m sure there’s more, but I’m tired and that’s all I can think of right now. I’m going to say good-night, pack up my laptop, and get what sleep I can.

Several people have sent me very nice “Bon Voyage” emails. Thank you, thank you! The next you hear from me, I hope to be safely in Seattle, Washington!

I'm leaving on a jet plane... and hoping for smooth flights and the right connections!

A Silent Epidemic

A long-time friend from my childhood contacted me this morning. He’d read my blog for the first time, and was amazed to find out I live with chronic pain. Turns out, so does he. We’d renewed communication some time ago, but neither one of us had mentioned this fact in all that time, though the pain has a huge impact on our lives.

It’s just not something you talk about much.

Most people don’t mind talking about being diabetic, or if you have thyroid problems, heart problems, high blood pressure… all sorts of things you can’t tell a person has just by looking at them. But many people with chronic pain don’t talk about it.

It’s not like there aren’t a lot of people out there with the problem. According to an article on the American Pain Society’s website nearly half of all Americans see a doctor with the primary complaint of pain each year. In 2003, it was estimated that 35.5% of the population, or 105 million people in the United States, have chronic pain. Who knows how many more there are by now?

If at least one in three people presently have, or at some point experienced problems with pain, why don’t we hear more about it? Why are we so reluctant to talk about it?

Maybe it’s because you can quantify stuff like diabetes or heart problems and the like. Lab tests and other procedures can give a fairly clear picture of the extent of those conditions. It’s safe to talk about, because you have proof of the problem.

But pain? There’s no test to show how much pain you’re in. How do you prove it’s not all in your head? The doctors ask you to tell them what your level of pain is, using a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being no pain, and 10 being the worst pain imaginable. Only one person can say how bad the pain is, and that’s the person experiencing it.

Since people can’t see your pain, there’s no test to prove you have pain, and about 2/3rd's of the population have little to no concept of chronic pain, then people who DO have chronic pain run up against the constant struggle to explain what it’s like to live with chronic pain, and people who find it hard to believe they can be in much pain, because after all, ‘You look good!”

End result? Lots and lots of people with chronic pain don’t talk about the fact they have pain. Just go about your life, and don’t mention the pain. It’s too hard to explain. Many become more and more reclusive, as pain makes it harder to get out and about, and the added mental stress is just too much.

Organizations like The American Pain Society, American Pain Foundation, American Chronic Pain Society and more try to help people with chronic pain, and get the word out to the public. Pain costs the individual, their significant others and family, and even society as the cost of medical care, lost time from work, and reduced productivity take a toll.

The epidemic is here. Right NOW. People need to hear about it.

Oh, to be a SUPER GRANDMA!

A good friend often knows what you’re thinking even when you don’t express it. I hadn’t mentioned this particular situation, but got an email yesterday asking how I was “doing with it.” Perceptive as always, this friend had figured out from reading my dear daughter-in-law’s blog I’d be thinking about this.

What’s that? Well, my lack of grandmothering.

Ellie’s Mommy has started a new part time job, and one of the days she’s at work Ellie stays with her Northern Grandma (I’m Southern Grandma – big surprise, huh?). This has been a weekly routine for some time, even before the job, and her grandma also takes Ellie to her swimming lessons that day.

I am green with envy.

Yes, I know they can only be near one set of parents. And at one point, they tried to work it out so they’d be moving here, and I would have been the fortunate one, and Northern Grandma would have been kind of left out. I would have felt bad for her, but hey! I know I would also have enjoyed the kids and Ellie being close. It just didn’t work out that way.

And I know it’s better they are in Canada, with an extended family there to help out when needed, and a publicly funded health care system to help with Ellie’s needs due to her having Cerebral Palsy.

And if I am brutally honest with myself, I also know I would feel guilty not being able to care more for Ellie if she WAS close. The last time we were all together, about the time Ellie needed a rest time, so did Grandma. I don’t have the stamina for much physical activity, even just walking around a mall, for more than a couple of hours at a time. So I’m not much of a help as a babysitter.

This wasn’t how I envisioned having grandchildren. They were supposed to live relatively close, and I was supposed to be able to enjoy playing with them days on end. Instead our grandchildren are scattered from Florida to Canada, and I am unable to cope with much visiting.

And to take Ellie swimming? I can’t even think of putting on a bathing suit without cringing. I flinch when putting on a shirt. Clothing has got to be LOOSE, so it doesn’t rub against hypersensitive skin. Many mornings I think, “It’s just not right it hurts to put on a shirt.”

But life rarely turns out just like we thought it would. And it’s certainly not always fair. So while I’m envious Northern Grandma gets to spend so much time with Ellie, I’m thankful Ellie has a grandma close by to love her and play with her. I’m thankful for email and digital cameras, so I get wonderful pictures and little movies on a regular basis, and I can see how she’s growing and what she’s doing.

It’s not the same as being there of course, and I am sad I can’t be a better Grandma to Ellie and our other grandchildren. But I can and do rejoice I have grandchildren, and unlike my mother, have lived to see them.

I love them. I pray for them. I try to do the best I can. And in the end, I guess that’s all any of us can do, no matter what our situation.

But I sure do wish I could be SUPER GRANDMA, able to leap tall buildings with a single bound and play and play and play!

Where did everybody go?

When I started writing today, I was thinking about giving, and the many ways I benefited from times when I could give to others. But I guess my mood is a little darker, probably a result of “rain pain.” (The rain we’re getting is much needed, but it does hurt. It’s tough being a human barometer!)

My mind wandered from giving, to all the things I used to do for others, to wondering where all those others went when I could have benefited from knowing they cared.

Strangely enough, as it grew harder for me to get out and I saw people less, it got so about the only time I heard from most people was when they wanted me to do something for them. I’ve always felt that was kind of ironic.

I didn’t expect dinners or visits, but just an occasional note via snail mail, or an email, would have been really nice. It doesn’t take a big effort, just some little thing that lets a person know someone still remembers they’re alive. It hurts when people you thought cared about you seem to forget they ever knew you.

So if you ever know someone who is dealing with a chronic illness and don’t know what to do, try checking out the Rest Ministries site, with a list of ways to encourage people.

You don’t have to know exactly “the right thing to say,” you just have to give another human being a little sign that you remember they exist.

I appreciate those that have been there for me, have been my friends through the good times and the hard times. A person’s friends are their greatest treasure. May you be as richly blessed as you have blessed me by your kindness.

THANK YOU for being there.

The End of "TN Tattlers"

I used to write stories about life here on the farm called “TN Tattlers”, a sort of update on the latest happenings with our family and on the farm. I sent them to several friends and family members, but I eventually stopped. Why? Well, let me write a mini-Tattler, then I can better explain the problem.

Monday Jess, Jonathan and I rounded up the sheep we had left, and sorted out the four we needed to deliver to a farm about an hour away. That’s a long story in itself, but suffice it to say the round-up did NOT go well, and we had a lot of trouble getting all the sheep into the shed. By the time we got the four we needed on the truck, stopped by the vet’s office, and finally made it to the farm where we were delivering the sheep and unloaded them, the morning was pretty well shot.

Fortunately it was easier unloading the sheep than it was getting them loaded in the first place. The summer heat was making itself felt, but we took time to look at the lambs, sheep and Great Pyrenees there. We didn’t get home until mid-afternoon.
A Cotswold lamb with some other sheep at our friend's farm.

Yesterday Jonathan and I went grocery shopping. We generally go fairly early in the morning before it gets too crowded. It takes a while, since we are getting food and household supplies for the entire week. When we get back home, Jonathan unloads the groceries from the car and I put them away in the kitchen.

I spent the rest of the afternoon sorting through peafowl eggs in the incubators to see which were developing, and which weren’t. I also checked the water in the buckets for the critters outside, fixed supper, and various other chores.

Today I’m baking. I just took a couple loaves of Sourdough Oatmeal-Walnut Bread out of the oven, and put in a couple of loaves of Cinnamon-Raisin Bread. I also baked a batch of Birdie Bread, which consists of leftover bits of fruit and veggies, eggs and cornmeal baked in a rectangular cake pan. I cut it in cubes, bag it up and freeze part of it, then feed a few cubes to Baby the parrot each day. What she doesn’t eat gets thrown to the peafowl.

In the middle of all this baking, I got a phone call from a neighbor saying one of the goats had her head stuck in the fence, and had to go take care of that. Naturally, she was at the furthest end of the pasture, so it was a long walk in the mid-day heat. Also naturally, she was contrary and instead of helping, she hindered getting her head and horns back through the hole in the fence.

Okay, that’s a sample of what I used to put in TN Tattlers. So what’s wrong with it? Well, as Paul Harvey would say, here’s “The Rest of the Story.”

As in all the TN Tattlers, I only wrote about the things we did, and didn’t mention the impact any of the activities had on me. But the truth is, after each bout of physical activity, I need time to recover. I didn’t mention how often I had to rest, or how much the pain levels increased after each physical exertion. Because I didn’t talk about those things, many people reading my stories figured I could do anything I wanted, so why wasn’t I doing more of the things I used to do?

I got tired of the unrealistic expectations my stories unfortunately engendered, but neither did I want to give a blow-by-blow account that included the effect activities had on me.

Thus, I wrote no more, and that was the end of the TN Tattlers.

But You Look So Good!

My dear friend, RR, informed me that while she was enjoying reading my stories, I was once again missing the mark. The main reason for this blog was supposed to be sharing how chronic pain affects my life, and most of my entries don’t have more than a passing reference to it. Of course, she’s absolutely right, and once again my upbringing is hindering my expression of how I feel. Pain? You’re sick? Don’t complain!

I must try to remember there’s a difference between complaining all the time and talking about pain in an effort to help people understand what it’s like to live with an invisible illness like chronic pain.

So what IS it like?

Most people have no comprehension what “chronic pain” means. A frequent scenario goes something like this – you’re in the grocery store, church, wherever, and someone you know stops to chat. The initial greetings of “Hello, how are you?” are made. This is merely a social pleasantry. Most people really do NOT want to know how you are. However, a few may then ask, “Is your pain gone?” or something similar.

After hearing this several times, you’d like to say, “No, the pain is not gone. It’s called CHRONIC pain for a reason. Here’s your sign.” But not wanting to be rude and realizing most people mean well, instead you say something innocuous, like, “No, I still have it.”

Then what happens? They get this incredulous expression and say, “But you look so good!” And you get the distinct impression people think you’re a bit of a hypochondriac, because after all, you can’t hurt very much and still look good.

Lest it be thought I’m being overly sensitive about this, I am by far not the only person with chronic pain to have noticed this phenomenon. In fact, for some time, Rest Ministries, an organization for people in chronic pain, had a logo with “But you look good!” on it.

It’s hard for most people to get a grasp on chronic pain. Everyone has experienced pain, yes, but there’s one problem. The pain was temporary. You had a headache. You took medicine and it went away. You had a toothache. The dentist took care of it. You had labor pain. The baby was born. You had a kidney stone. Excruciating pain! But eventually it passed or was removed. You may have had some pretty bad pain, but even in the midst of it, you knew it was temporary. The pain would end.

You can’t fully understand living with CHRONIC pain until you’ve had pain a long time, until you and the doctors have tried everything imaginable to alleviate it, and until you know it is NOT going away no matter what you do, and you see the rest of your life shimmering before you with the cold hard edges of pain constantly stabbing at you and wearing away your strength. It’s there. It’s always there. And it’s not going away.

There’s a reason people with chronic pain have a higher suicide rate than the average population.

Living with chronic pain is getting up in the morning and wondering what it would be like to wake up without pain, and trying to remember what your life was like before you had pain all the time.

Living with chronic pain means becoming increasingly isolated as pain restricts your activities, and people you thought were friends forget you exist because you can’t stay active in church or work or other activities you once shared. It’s being sad because you know people who enjoy activities you’d love to do, like having their grandchildren for whole days at a time, while you’re lucky to manage a couple of hours.

Living with chronic pain means living a life most people do not understand. They have no experience living with continual pain. They can’t see your pain. It’s all the above and more. But maybe as the days and weeks go by, people reading this blog will get a peek at a different lifestyle and gain some understanding of what life with chronic pain is like.

Because even if I look good, I still hurt.