Mother Nature Hates Me

Okay, Mother Nature doesn't really hate me. I know there really isn't any such thing as "Mother Nature" and the creatures are just doing what creatures do. So maybe it's my body that hates me.

Anyway, yesterday I was taking Toby for a walk in the woods, getting our daily exercise. I had on a pair of old gray gym pants, a gray long sleeved shirt, and my old black tennis shoes. (I tell you this not as a fashion statement, but because it's pertinent to the story.)

We didn't get very far into the woods until something started buzzing around my head. I thought it was a horse fly. I thought wrong.

I slapped at it with my camera strap (who goes walking in the woods without their camera, right?). I don't know if it was the same buzzing bee or a different one, but something nailed me on my foot, between my shoe and the bottom of my pants! I hot-footed it out of there (in more ways than one!).

In about 5 minutes I was feeling the effects. We were at the edge of the woods by then, so I took off my shoe and something flew out. The thing was IN MY SHOE!

Unfortunately, I didn't get a good look at it, and don't know if it was a yellow jacket or just what. I reckon it wasn't a honeybee since it was still living and flying after stinging me. Also, I read yellow jackets like dark colors and often nest in the ground. They also get meaner as it gets colder and food gets scarcer, and their nest was probably a little flooded from all the rain. So I figure it was a yellow jacket and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time wearing the wrong clothes. Go figure.

I hobbled around to finish chores and then on into the house. I wasn't feeling too spiffy by then. And I've got to say, I'm getting tired of the attacks on my right leg and foot. Earlier this summer I ended up with a bleeding bite after walking in some weeds beside our pond. I think it was a spider bite, but have no way of knowing for sure.

What I do know is that it took weeks to heal, and for a while there I was afraid I was going to have to get radical and ... GASP! Go to the doctor.

Then there's the ants. A few years ago I was taking pictures of a cotton field for an online magazine and walked out into the field to get some better shots. What I didn't realize and couldn't see was I ended up standing right in the middle of a fire ant nest. After a sting or two I went zipping out of that tall cotton and frantically brushed the ants off.

Those stings didn't bother me that much. But it happened again a couple of weeks later. And now it's to the point it doesn't have to be fire ants to give me problems. Even bites from black ants raise a blister. I've told Jess I'm probably going to be the first person in the world who has to carry around an EpiPen for ant bites.

And wouldn't you know, our last day at the beach I was taking pictures and some ants found me and I got 3 or 4 bites. They're slow to heal, so now my right foot and lower leg look like this:

My nature inflicted wounds may not look like much, but the scar is somewhere between the size of a dime and a quarter. The ant bite at least doesn't hurt any more, but the sting I got yesterday is a different matter altogether. It looks better but feels worse. Much worse.

I know, I know, in a way it's all darkly humorous. Who gets all these bites and stings anyway? But it sure puts a damper on working in flower beds or wearing sandals or walking through the woods without a care in the world.

I think I need some battle armor.