More Than One Life To Live

I know there’s a soap opera called “One Life To Live.” But the fact is, I feel like I’ve lived several lives already. I often think or even say, “Oh, that was back in another life.” It’s usually when I'm thinking about something in the past that is so totally different from my present life that it seems in no way connected to it.


I’ve been thinking about these changes a lot lately. I’ll no doubt be doing even more of it as I become more and more involved in the healing process I’m learning, as it involves a healing of the heart, a spiritual healing. The more I learn, the more I can see how many radical changes there have been in my life and I can also see how many places I’m so totally messed up and have wrong thinking.


Here’s an example. I’m not sure I can trace the exact path that got me there, but I suspect it has a lot to do with being taught you should think of other people first, and it’s selfish to think of yourself, and I internalized all that and moved on to where my mind said, “You pray only for other people. You do NOT pray for your own needs.”


Seriously. I could not pray for myself, because in my mind, that was selfish. You’re only supposed to pray for other people. You can’t ask God to help you or bless you or whatever, because it would be selfish to do that.


Yeah, I know. Totally warped. In reality, it’s more like when you get on a plane, and hear the flight attendant’s speech about oxygen masks, “Put on your own mask before attempting to help others, even small children.” Why? Because if you don’t help yourself first, you might get in such bad shape you won’t be *able* to help others.


I could expound on this and more. I could talk about how much I’ve been learning, and changes I’ve been making. But not now. Cause right now what I’m REALLY wondering is, “How far am I willing to bare my soul, so to speak?” And further, “Does anyone really want to hear it anyway?” I might shatter quite a few illusions, or maybe it’s a matter of too much information.


After all, a lot of family members read this, like my kids.


I’ve even considered writing anonymously on a different blog. If no one read it, fine. But then again, maybe it would help someone else on their journey of transformation. Cause in the past couple of years while I’ve been learning about ways to make a living online, I’ve also been led towards side paths on self-help, self-realization, self-empowerment… I’m not sure what to call it.


No, I’m not talking about New Age mumbo-jumbo. Some things I’ve learned may sound “far out” at first, but they’re all based in science and a belief in God. You can talk about quantum physics, neuroscience, healing, the law of attraction, and on and on… it all comes back to the source… God.


There are just so many things in my head and heart, and so much changing. I feel in such a state of flux, and feel like yet another person is emerging. Sometimes I slip back to my "old ways", but mostly I’m moving forward, and I feel like things are coalescing and speeding up. I really believe 2010 is going to be a great year in a whole lot of ways.


The question is, how much do I want to share about why and how?